


vienna waits for you

by rosesareredvioletsareblue



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, I'm sad writing this, Lowercase, Past Drug Addiction, Spoilers for Episode: s06e18 Lauren, Worried Derek Morgan, couldn't tell you what this is if i tried, seriously major spoilers, they're all sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesareredvioletsareblue/pseuds/rosesareredvioletsareblue
Summary: he misses emily.he wants to forget.staring down at the vial, he calls the one person he knows will pick up.“hello?” derek’s voice is groggy and tired, but spencer has never been happier to hear it.(or: spencer thinks about taking dilaudid after emily dies)
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid
Comments: 9
Kudos: 158





	vienna waits for you

**Author's Note:**

> so you know that episode after emily comes back where reid and jj fight and reid says he thought about taking dilaudid again while he thought emily was dead? yeah, thats where this stems from, because i love morgan and reid's friendship and i miss them. 
> 
> also i wrote this on my phone so it's all lowercase. 
> 
> enjoy!!

* * *

he’s shaking, practically hearing the bottle rattle at the bottom of his bag on the seat next to him.

that last bottle of the two he took from tobias’s body all those years ago, kept buried in the back of his medicine cabinet all these years. 

even when he was using, he promised himself he would never open that tiny vial, but instead kept it to remember tobias. 

he didn’t know why he wanted to remember tobias, really. 

probably because tobias needed help, and spencer shot him down in cold blood. 

_not cold blood._ the part of his brain that’s still making rational decisions gently reminds him. _he was going to kill you._

the soft clanking sound makes him drive faster, praying to whatever god would listen that no one pulls him over. 

_“god, reid,” emily laughs as spencer breaks short at yet another red light, “for a genius, you’re a terrible driver.”_

_spencer frowns, glancing over at his friend in the passenger seat. “why’d you ask for a ride then?”_

_emily shrugged. “next time i do, it’ll be because you’re driving my coffin to the cemetery.”_

_spencer rolled his eyes, his lips tugging upwards at the corners._

_“please.” he says, as the light turns green and emily takes a steadying breath. “as if the odds of you dying before me are anything to be concerned about.”_

spencer sobs suddenly and swerves, ignoring the angry honking of the car he cut off. 

they wouldn’t let him drive emily’s hearse.

to be fair, it was an odd request, but the universe just had to make him let her down one last time.

he parked the car, not even taking in his surroundings before he pulls out the bottle with his still shaking hands. 

spencer stares down the drug that had once been his life force and pictures how _easy_ it would be to fall back into old habits. 

he can almost feel the phantom dilaudid coolly coursing through his veins, bringing with it comfort and ease and sweet, sweet forgetfulness. 

but he can’t. 

he _won’t._

_why not?_ a part of him thinks. _it’s not like emily’s going to tell you to stop. she’s dead._

_she’s dead._

_she’s dead._

the thought has him fumbling to pull the syringe out of his bag. 

spencer freezes up when he sees it curled up in his hand. 

it’s ironic that such a tiny object could hold so much power over a person. 

he can feel the weight of his three year coin in his pocket, grounding him. 

it doesn’t help. 

_“spence,” emily sighs, slipping into her desk across from his, “talk to me.”_

_he does._

spencer lets it drop and reaches almost blindly for his phone, dialing the number he’s called thousands of times. 

“ _hello_!” emily’s voice cheers from the other end. “ _you’ve reached emily prentiss. i’m sorry i can’t come to the phone right now, but please leave a message_!” 

it was very chipper and incredibly uncharacteristic. garcia wrote the message, since emily’s last one had been, “ _this is e. prentiss, leave a message.”_

they had laughed about it for hours over chinese food after a case, jj and morgan replaying the message again and again while emily rolled her eyes and grumbled into her chicken lo mien. 

he misses emily. 

he wants to forget. 

staring down at the vial, he calls the one person he knows will pick up. 

“hello?” derek’s voice is groggy, but focused. 

_thank god for best friends._ spencer thinks, immediately feeling better hearing morgan’s voice.

“hi.” spencer whispers, letting tears fall softly down his cheeks. 

“kid?” he asks. “it’s 3:30 in the morning.”

“i..” spencer falters as speaking becomes impossible. derek understands.

“what’s wrong?” he can hear covers rustling and assumes derek is getting out of bed. “where are you?” 

spencer looks around him for the first time. “prince william forest park.” 

“i’ll be there in five minutes,” derek replies, “don’t hang up, kid, i’m coming.” 

“thank you.” he manages to say.

“what happened, reid?” derek asks causally, but spencer can hear the underlying panic beneath it. 

“emily.” he said simply, his eyes not leaving the bottle on the floor. 

derek sighs. spencer can hear the car start. “i was thinking about her tonight too. i miss her.” 

“i just want to forget.” he leans his head back against the cool leather of the headrest. “ _god,_ derek, i can’t fucking _do it anymore.”_

he hears morgan’s sharp inhale. “did you-“

“no.” spencer bites his lip as his eyes automatically drift towards the bottle. “almost, but i didn’t.” 

his friend’s relief is palpable. “okay. okay. i’m proud of you, spencer.” 

“is that a line out of the ‘ _how to deal with your best friend, the recovering drug addict’_ handbook?” spencer rolls his eyes, wishing he had the willpower to step on the glass vial and crush it into sand. 

“it was actually called ‘ _trauma for teens’,_ but i like your title better.” 

spencer laughs, seeing derek’s car pull up behind his own. wiping away stray tears, he hangs up the phone as derek hops out of the drivers seat and sprints to where spencer is, knocking gently on the window. 

“hey, kid.” he says once spencer rolls it down, smiling sadly. spencer can see the fear etched in his face and gestures vaguely to the vial and syringe laying on the floor. 

“i didn’t use.” he can feel his cheeks heat up. “i promise.” 

“i believe you.” derek replies, going around to the passenger seat. he opens the door, moves spencer’s bag to the backseat, sits down, and throws the vial and syringe out the door.

spencer raises a brow as derek slams the car door shut. “that’s littering.” 

derek shot him a look. “so?” 

“you’re in the _fbi,_ ” spencer says incredulously, “you couldn’t find a garbage can?” 

his friend has the gall to just shrug. “it’s not littering if it’s helping you.” 

“that’s a nice sentiment, but you’re still littering.” 

derek laughs, pulling his seatbelt on. “where too, pretty ricky?” 

spencer stares at him. “what?” 

“where too?” derek clicks his tounge. “did your brain decide it needs more space for random facts and just turn off your ability to hear?” 

“what?” spencer repeats, more flabbergasted than before. 

“okay, einstein.” derek snorts, patting the dashboard of the car. “how about that 24-hour coffee place you’re always telling me about so we can talk about what’s wrong and then back to my place?” 

spencer nodded. “i _can_ be alone, you know.” 

derek rolled his eyes. “yeah, but that doesn’t mean you _have_ to be.” he reached over and squeezed spencer’s shoulder.

“it’s never going to stop hurting.” he said, meeting spencer’s eyes. “you’re going to miss her everyday for the rest of your life. all of us are. but, i promise, spencer, it will get easier.” 

spencer blinked tears out of his eyes and smiled. “let’s have a coffee and toast to emily.” 

derek raised his hand in imitation of a toast. “to emily.” 

to emily and to good coffee and to even better friends. 

spencer glanced in his mirror at the shattered vial. 

he turned the key in the ignition and drove away, derek next to him, trying to find a good song on spencer’s crappy car radio. 

he could’ve sworn he heard emily whisper “ _i_ _’m proud of you, spencer.”_

spencer was proud of himself too.


End file.
